I used to work with a woman who said she woke up every morning hours before her husband to shower, shampoo, and flat iron her hair. I know this because she told me one day after complimenting me on my natural hair. After the compliment, she confessed that her hair was curly like mine but that her husband hated curly hair and forbade her ever to wear her hair curly. How sad? How sad it must be not to be accepted, loved, and appreciated in your natural state, especially by someone who says they love you. The person who committed to her did not fully commit to her but instead committed to her altered state that she is committed to presenting to him day in and day out.
I have had someone tell me they like long, straight hair as I sat there with thick, shiny curls flowing over thick, shiny curls. I am not trying to branch off into a race issue here, but as a black woman, to hear a black man tell you that they like long, straight hair is kind of a slap in the face. I know black women with fine silky hair that grows from the roots on their heads; it is real, but that is not me. When this man told me, I said he should find a woman with long, straight hair because that is not me. He then suggested that maybe I get a relaxer. Really? My anger was building a bit when I told him that I would not get a relaxer that would not damage my hair by ironing it out every day so that he could pretend to love what I look like and not who I really am in every sense, mentally AND physically aka…my natural state. I guess my frustration is how a man with the same hair growing from his head have such a distaste for mine. We have the same hair!!!! This, my friends, is a conversation for another platform, so let me bring this back home, and here it is- the person who says they love you needs to love you in your natural state.
Life is hard enough, and you should not have the extra pressure of constantly trying to present an altered state of yourself to someone. I am not saying that you should never put on makeup, or iron your hair, or make any other enhancements to yourself, you can, Lord knows I do. But…. at the end of the day, when the doors are closed to the world, and you have stepped into your oasis to wash the cares of the day away. It is just you and your person alone together…when the make-up is off, the wig or extensions are off, your hair is freshly washed and natural, the heels are off, or the eyelash extensions are placed back in their case -you should be able to stand there completely naked and natural and find love and acceptance in the arms of the person who say that they love you…you.
