Words From the Author

Tips For Getting Over a Break-Up

Getting over a break up has always been a tough one for me. For that reason, I have always been reluctant to allow people into my life. If you are like me once in a blue moon you meet someone special and one day before you know it, they are pasted all over your heart. I have never handled break-ups well, though. There is this great sorrow that soars through my soul and putting one foot in front of the other becomes an arduous daily task, a battle to get out of bed…..hey you – get up!!!!! It is okay to feel what you are feeling, as a matter of fact it is healthy, but remember to keep moving to a better you. How do you do that, consider the following:

  1. REMEMBER TO DO SELF-CARE: Dress up, try on a new make-up or hairstyle, change up your work-out routine, start a work out routine, try a new fragrance….feel and look good
  2. GIVE YOUR LIVING SPACE A MAKEOVER: Paint an accent wall or change around your furniture, this really does work wonders
  3. BUY A NEW PIECE OF CLOTHING: Don’t go over board with this or you may go broke, but buy something new and different from what you normally wear. Make plans with friends this weekend and wear that thing!!!!
  4. UPDATE YOUR BUCKET LIST/VISION BOARD: Include updates on your educational goals, professional goals, places you want to travel to, update your financial goals, fitness goals, spiritual goals, etc.
  5. BE PATIENT: Give yourself time to feel what you are feelings, but remember not to get stuck there. Stop trying to figure it out, just feel what you are feeling and get back to the fabulous ideas on this list. Trying to figure out what went wrong is detrimental to your healing. Two people were involved in your relationship and it will take those same two people to really sit down and hash out all the details of why you are not together….as we all know, most times in relationships this does not happen.
  6. START READING: Self-help books, the Bible. or even learn a new language! Train your brain, learn, expand your horizons through the reading of words
  7. BE GRATEFUL: It is easy to sulk about love being lost, but be grateful for what you do have.
  8. DELETE THAT NUMBER: Delete your ex’s number from your phone. This will prevent you from calling, texting, or accidentally calling. You can write it down and tuck it away somewhere, but it does not have to be readily available right there on your phone.
  9. MAKE PLANS: Make plans to do fun stuff. Call up a friend or call up a group of friends and make plans to go to dinner, walk in the park, or perhaps do that backyard BBQ, don’t forget the games and music. Make plans for a weekend trip or if you can’t do that, plan for a day trip just to get away.
  10. MUSIC: Speaking of music. Play it often and play it loud. Pick a tear jerker country song to help you process your feelings and then kick it over to some classic feel good songs. Sing it out, dance it out….music says the things that we cannot express.
  11. START A HOBBY OR RETURN TO DOING THE THINGS YOU ENJOY: You know what you like to do or want to do…..do it!!!!!
  12. CLOSURE: Stop obsessing over closure. Real closure is a gift and is seldom given. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, you have to live…make it a beautiful life – that is your best closure.
  13. DATING: Don’t rush into dating too soon, but don’t close your heart to it either. Be honest with yourself and with the person that you go on the date with. They will appreciate your honesty and you will not have the guilt.
  14. FORGIVE: There are soooo many other things that I could add to this list, but I am going to end this with forgiving YOURSELF. Forgive yourself for the mistakes that you made, for moments that you lost yourself to the other person, for the times your did not hold true to who you are. While you are doing all of that if you are able to forgive your ex, then do it, but don’t feel guilty if you can’t right now. Make forgiving your ex a goal versus demanding it from yourself from a place that can’t even comprehend your healing yet.

He Is Available…He Just Doesn’t Want You

Over the years I have heard the rhetoric about emotionally unavailable men. For a while, I bought into it, but no more. I have always said that men go after what they want. If a man is not going after you, he doesn’t want you. If a man is playing the hot and cold game, he doesn’t want you. Just remove yourself from the equation. It is easier said than done, but it is necessary for your emotional health.

There is no such thing as an emotionally unavailable man, he is just not allowing his emotions to connect with you. I promise you…. when he runs across a woman who he feels is worthy of his emotions, he will release them to her.

It doesn’t feel good to want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. What is even worse is to waste time and precious emotions over someone who doesn’t want to be with you. You are a magnificent wonder, worthy of the love that you, yourself, has to offer. Be patient, love yourself, take care of yourself, and love will come. Until then embrace the peace that comes with letting go of the chaos and uncertainty that comes from someone who can’t love you and cherish you the way that you need and deserve.

Valentine’s Day Is Everyday

All of the hoopla over Valentine’s Day reminds me of why I don’t really like it.  Don’t get me wrong though, I would not turn down flowers, candy, or a gift ..lol.   A friend told me just a few days ago that I love too hard, well maybe I do, because I think that when you love someone Valentine’s Day should be every day.  Valentine’s Day is on Monday when I ask you how I can help you during the week with tasks or honey-dos.  Valentine’s Day is Tuesday when I leave a love note in your briefcase or lunch tote.  It is on Wednesday when I cook you a big weekend style breakfast before you head off to work.  Valentine’s Day is Thursday when I have the shower running hot and your favorite 100% cotton T and bottoms laid out for you on the bed.  Valentine’s Day is on Friday when I massage your shoulders after a hard day of work.  Valentine’s Day is on Saturday when we go our separate ways to run errands and visit with friends but make plans for a romantic Saturday evening together.  Valentine’s Day is on Sunday when we serve the Lord in worship service together. 

There is nothing wrong with celebrating Valentine’s Day, hopefully you make some wonderful memories. One day a year is not good enough to express an everyday kind of love.  And, sometimes it is not the stuff, but rather the things are done from day to day that says, I support you, I am here, I love you….


I was asked to share a list of what some non-negotiables might be. This is just a list and not what you should consider to be the template for your non-negotiables.

  1. Spiritual beliefs/how does on practice their faith
  2. Weight/ fitness goals/ height factors
  3. Financial practices: believe in saving? investing? spending too much?
  4. Retirement goals
  5. Does this person drink or smoke? Does this person drink in excess?
  6. Where does this want to live? Where are they opposed to living?
  7. What is their work ethic?
  8. What is their career goals?
  9. What is their education level? Does this impact how you feel?
  10. What is their sexual orientation?
  11. What are their thoughts on pre-marital sex?
  12. How do they honestly describe their sex drive?
  13. What are their thoughts on having close friends of the opposite sex?
  14. What are their political views? What political party do they identify with?
  15. What are their views on mask wearing? Vaccination views or status?
  16. How would they keep you safe or your family safe in your home during a pandemic?
  17. Physical appearance, overall
  18. Income
  19. Do they want to have children, they answer can only be yes or no.

Make Love Stay

I sat and watched a wedding from my office window this weekend. It was not a large wedding with tons of decorations, people, or flowers, but rather very quaint and intimate with just a small group of witnesses and the bridal party.  Slowly the wedding party marched together and  joined the groom at the front.  Then he waited, his eyes focused toward the distance looking intently for his bride.  I started to get nervous for this groom…. where is the bride?  But….he waited patiently, he waited peacefully….he waited and waited.

Then finally she came out and came forth and stood at the end of the aisle.  I could almost feel the energy that was connecting them.  It was truly indeed a beautiful moment, when I saw him exhale and smile one of the biggest loving smiles I could ever long to see for myself.  Before she moved a long wispy curl fell down and a lady rushed right to her side and pinned it up.  Now…..she is ready!

As I watched this bride, take each careful step toward her groom, toward her good morning, toward her goodnight, toward her I love you, toward her forever earthly love – I pondered…….

I sat there and watched this union solidify before God and man.  I continued to watch as they walked arm and arm after the ceremony across a windswept field so close and in tune with one another… and I began to hum the song that Dan Fogelberg sang so beautifully called, Make Love Stay.

How will they make love stay? Will he always be so patient in waiting for her as he did today?  Will the corners of his mouth turn up to the smile that he smiled when he first saw his bride at the end of the aisle?  Will she always  take the time to look her best for him….pinning up that fallen strand?

If we could capture every moment, thought, feelings… if we could bottle the love and hope for forever that is expressed and felt on the wedding day…there would be no question on how to make love stay.  Since there is no bottle labeled “Wedding Day”, then marriage will hopefully be a masterful journey of love, evolving love, forgiveness, hope, understanding, joy, memories, support…..now that is how you make love stay.

Make Love Stay Lyrics by Dane Fogelberg:

Now that we love
Now that the lonely nights are over
How do we make love stay?
Now that we know
The fire can burn bright or merely smolder
How do we keep it from dying away?

Already A Bride

King James Bible  Proverbs 18:22
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

The scripture says findeth a “wife”, it did not say, he that findeth the woman who will become his wife, she is already a wife.   Wow….so what does this mean? This means that if you desire to be married and are faithfully praying for a husband then you should already be a wife.   Now, this does not mean that you go down  to the local Wal-Mart and find yourself a pretty little lacey thing to put on for your boo.  I most certainly do not mean that!  Sex is certainly a wonderful and sacred part of marriage but what you have to remember is that after the honeymoon, after you kiss each other good morning and start out on a new day, there are bills to pay, cars to maintain, schedules to coincide, there are considerations for each other that may be an inconvenience to you, yep,  you just may have to sacrifice!   Okay, it is great to be able to throw down in the bedroom and have him crave you like an afternoon snack, but you have to be wife MINDED too!!!

Every marriage is like a fingerprint.  It is different and unique in it’s own way.  Sometimes in a marriage the roles are reversed and some marriages are still very traditional.  There is nothing wrong with either as long as you and your spouse both agree. 

So what is already being a bride about?  For example, a nursing student goes through four years of nursing school, but they are not technically considered a practicing nurse until they have taken their Boards and passed all sorts of tests and certifications.  The college would not stick a student in a hospital room to care for a patient with out having prepared then to do so.  Same goes for you, the unmarried wife, God is allowing you this time of singleness to prepare.  Don’t use this time to sulk about being single or to make poor decisions in dating that will affect you down the line.  Now is the time to gather or fine tune your skill sets, and to become the best possible version of you before walking down that aisle.

We are going to dive into this some more, but here are some questions that you need to ask yourself for now:

-Physically – What are you doing physically to be ready for your husband?  Are you comfortable with your body?

-What is your skill set outside of the bedroom? Okay great… you can drop it down and bring it back up , but like I said earlier unfortunately the hours spent in the bedroom are limited and then you still have to sneak in some time to sleep.

-Can you prepare a decent home cooked meal?  Manage the bills?

-Can you sew a button on or tie a tie?

-Do you know how to clean a home?  I am not talking about throwing stuff in a back room.  I am talking about cleaning and organizing so that the two of you can live comfortably and find things.

-Do you know how to maintain a home?  Cut grass, manage repairs, etc.  I am not saying that you have to but if you had to at any point… could you? If your husband became ill or hurt, could you fill in the gaps until he recovered?

-Spiritually speaking, are praying for your husband now, even before you come together?  Are you praying that he is allowing God to keep him and prepare him for you?  Could you pray him through and be a support to him in the rough times?

-Are you prepared to be an emotional support to your husband?

-Do you have hobbies?  Do you participate in groups or activities that will enrich you outside of spending time with your spouse?

The list could go on and on.  In the weeks ahead we will tackle some of these keys areas with more blogs and even guest speakers, so that we all might have a better understanding of how to effectively become an unmarried wife.

Shhhh…. I hear wedding bells in the distance, but now is the time to prepare.

Where Is The Bride…Geeesh

I recently saw on Facebook a video of a wedding that took forever.  Just the march alone could have been 20, 30 minutes.   The groom walked down the aisle to his song, swaying and bopping to the beat.  Then, the groomsmen joined in the soul train groove and danced and rocked their way down the aisle.  After that the rest of the groomsmen and bridesmaids, pair by pair, waltz, rocked, swayed, two-stepped, gangsta leaned down the aisle.  Just when I thought, that surely the bride would be next, nope…..still dancing this thing out.

First, I am glad to see that they were getting married.  That in it’s self seems to be something of the past these days.  At the same time, it is my sincere hope that they put as much into making their marriage a healthy and successful union as they did with the act of getting married.

I have toggled over the years with what type of wedding I would like to have.  Of course, 50% of that answers depends on my groom.  After seeing this wedding, I would gladly take a simple, very meaningful candlelit ceremony and an elegant dinner for family and close friends after our vows or love and devotion and then off to the honeymoooooooon, oh yes!!!! woo hoo….okay I will calm down.  Simma, simma down now.

With that, I am sure that I could go back to the video, right where I left off, watch it for a few more minutes and still, never see…..the bride.    Good Gracious!!!!  lol

To each his own though.  Every wedding, every relationship is like a fingerprint, no two are the same but all should bear the mark of genuine love and devotion.

Peacefully single, but looking forward to that special day.