A colleague shared with me not long ago that as she walked down the aisle to marry her now husband, she was thinking of and still missing her ex-boyfriend. I have met her husband and seen their love story evolve from meeting each other at a holiday party to building a fantastic relationship. She told me that she is committed to her vows; however, since the wedding, she has been thinking of her ex more than ever. I am not sure how she will work out all the details of that, but I will say that it is essential to have a single heart before you even say hello.
Hearts can be graveyards of lost loves and disappointments. We meet people, we believe in something beyond ourselves for a moment, but what happens when love dissipates right before our eyes? We can talk about many things one can do, but let’s look at what should be done after the love is gone.
1. Stop, just stop!! Don’t move. Don’t reach for anyone or anything to take away from or alleviate what you are feeling.
2. Take time to reflect on the relationship. Don’t just reflect on the good times but also on the bad. Reflect on differences, disappointments, dealbreakers, everything. If you were not the one to end the relationship, if you can’t think of anything bad, then the only thing you can reflect on and come to terms with is that the person you were involved with has decided that you are not their person. They are comfortable and at peace with releasing you from their world.
3. Take time to heal and grow. Suggestion: Read my blog on “Tips For Getting Over a Breakup.” Decide what you want for yourself and work on releasing the person from your heart and mind. This might take time, which is okay, but be cautious when moving forward with anyone else until you know you have dealt with your feelings for your ex.
4. ARE YOU READY TO SAY HELLO?
THE QUESTION: If your ex were to contact you and ask to talk, meet, or even reunite today, would you? If your answer is a solid no, then you are ready to move on. You might be ready to say that word “hello” to the next possible love in your life. If the answer is yes, maybe, or I don’t know, you may still have some work.
Bottomline: No one wants half of a heart. Would you like a half-broken heart given to you? Probably not. In fairness, whether we are single, thinking about dating, or on the brink of entering into a relationship, we should always be moving toward having a healed and whole heart.