Non-Negotiables/Questions to Ask

What is a non-negotiable?

In dating, non-negotiables are essential values or preferences you won’t compromise on in a relationship. These are things you believe are crucial for a healthy and fulfilling connection, and you’re not willing to settle for anything less. Examples include honesty, loyalty, respect, trust, and mutual understanding of core values like family or lifestyle choices. 

On this page, we will break down non-negotiables and questions to ask by category: lifestyle, finances, health and fitness, hygiene, spirituality, etc. You may choose from any on the list, you may choose none, or you may already have your list of standards that you hold close to your heart. It is not mandatory to have non-negotiables, but I have seen them be helpful.

Health, Fitness, and Food

1. Do you consider yourself a healthy person?
2. Do you regularly work out? What kind of fitness do you do?
3. Do you think working out together as a couple is essential?
4. Do you ride a bicycle? Hiking? Swimming? Tennis? Walking?
5. Do you have allergies?
6. Are there any foods that you will not eat?
7. Describe what you eat in a week? Fried foods, vegetables, sugars, etc.
8. Do you know how to cook?
9. Do you drink alcohol?
10. Do you do drugs or smoke tobacco/vape?
11. Do you have any fitness goals?
12. What are your expectations, fitness-wise, for the person in your life?
13. Do you have regularly scheduled check-ups?
14. If you have been sexually active, do you get tested regularly for STD’s?

Finance and Career

1. Are you currently working according to your career preference?
2. Are there any other career moves that you will make in the next 5, 10, or 20 years?
3. Do you believe in having a savings account? Do you save money each week, month, or quarter?
4. What are your thoughts on investing money to make more money? Do you do this often? Have you ever lost a lot of money from investing?
5. What are your retirement goals? What does retirement look like for you? Will you move to another region?
6. Describe your work ethic.
7. What is your education level? Does this impact how you feel?
8. What is your perspective on shared, joint, or separate accounts in a marriage?
9. How often do you buy a car/ truck?
10. Have you ever been fired?

Spirituality

1. What was your faith growing up?
2. What is your faith now? Denomination?
3. Who is Jesus Christ to you?
4. What are your thoughts on baptism? Speaking in tongues?
5. How important is sharing the same faith with your significant other?
6. Do you attend church regularly?
7. Do you tithe to the church?
8. How often do you read the Bible?
9. How often do you pray?
10. How do you feel about serving in the church? Teaching, cleaning, sound system, music, etc.

Sex, Intimacy, Communication

1. What is your sexual orientation? Has it ever been different from what it is now?
2. Do you or have you ever been intimately involved with or desired a person of the same sex?
3. What are your thoughts on pre-marital sex?
4. How would you describe your sex drive? What is an acceptable amount? Expectations?
5. Do you believe in having more that one wife or husband?
6. Would you engage in swinging or group activities with other couples?
7. What is your primary language? Can you list them in order of importance to you?
   • Acts of Service
   • Receiving Gifts
   • Quality Time
   • Words of Affirmation
   • Physical Touch
8. How do you feel about different kinds of sex? Oral, Anal, dirty talk, etc?
9. Have you ever cheated on someone? Why did you do it? Would you cheat again?
10. Is there ever a reason to cheat?
11. Would you share the password to your phone with your significant other?
12. What is your perspective on couple that have separate bedrooms? Separate residences?
13. How do you prefer to communicate?
14. Do you think that weekly or monthly date nights are important?

Politics and Social Climate

1. Are you an introvert or extrovert??
2. What is your political affiliation?
3. Who did you vote for in the last election and why?
4. What are your thoughts on mask wearing during and post the pandemic?
5. Would you willingly wear a mask in a risky area in order to keep a spouse safe at home?
6. Would you require people to wear a mask in your home during Covid, flu or cold season?
7. How would you keep your family safe during the pandemic or social unrest?
8. Do you believe in prepping?
9. Do you have a firearm(s)?
10. Do you believe in vaccinations?
11. What are your thoughts on different lifestyles?
12. What is your stance on abortion?

Family/Traditions/Boundaries

1. Do you believe in celebrating most holidays? Which ones don’t you celebrate?
2. How do you celebrate Christmas? Tree, decorations, dinners, music, gift giving?
3. How do you celebrate Thanksgiving, New Year’s, Easter, the Fourth of July?
4. Do you have children? How many? Describe your children.
5. Would you allow grown children to move back in with you?
6. Do you want to have children or more children? This is a yes or no answer.
7. How do you get along with your family? Siblings? Parents?
8. Describe your childhood.
9. Are you opposed to living in a particular place, area, etc?
10. What are your thoughts on having close friends of the opposite sex while you are in a relationship or married?
11. Would you agree to be a caretaker for a parent or relative? How?

Hygiene

1. Do you bathe or shower daily?
2. Do you bathe or shower at the end of the day?
3. Describe your living area. Is it neat? Is it cluttery? Lived in?
4. Do you poop in the shower? (Odd, question but a couple divorced, because her husband regularly pooped in the shower)
5. Do you use deodorants, lotions, etc., as part of your hygiene routine?
6. How often do you brush your teeth?
7. How often do you clean your bathroom and kitchen?
8. How often do you do laundry?

Hodge Podge

1. Share your thoughts on honesty and integrity.
2. Are you committed to continuous personal growth and learning?
3. Do you like to travel?
4. How often would you like to travel? Weekend trips? Summer Vacation?
5. How do you handle conflict? Disagreements?
6. What does your dream vacation look like?
7. Are there any past experiences that shaped you or impacted your greatly?
8. Do you like animals? Would you like to have pets?
9. Do you believe aliens? Bigfoot?
10. What is your favorite season?
11. Mountains or beach?
12. What does an evening after work look like for you?
13. What does a typical weekend look like for you?
14. Do you shop a lot? Do you have a lot of shoes? Ties? Hats? Jeans?
15. Do you collect anything?

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