Just a few days ago, I had the best and most real revelation I could have ever hoped to have had, well, at least about this situation. At one point in my life (a decade plus ago), I was dating a man I thought was almost everything. He had an attractive face, was funny, and, most of all, worked in ministry the same way I did. Most things with him just seemed to make sense, but there was a lot that did not. I categorized those things that did not fit as things that would eventually work themselves out. My friends said he was the one for me, some folks in his family liked the match, and eventually, I thought that this man was who God had for me which is why I was patient with “those things” that I mentioned earlier working themselves out.
Long story short, I was never the one for him, nor was he the one for me. He eventually ghosted me and proceeded to pursue a woman who went to my church, and I did not hear from him until years later. I was sorely betrayed and devastated because I felt like God’s plan had been tampered with, and I wanted to be in God’s will. The same friends who said that he was the one for me were now in support of the relationship he had with this woman, and the woman did not hesitate to spread the word that he had dumped me for her. The rumors began to fly, and my private world was marred in the streets of gossip and lies. The biggest, most disrespectful lie was that we had been having some hot, steamy, romantic relationship that broke ten laws of the Bible and even made Satan himself blush. Ha, not so. The relationship I had with that man was innocent. We never had sex in any form. I held that relationship up before God and asked him to bless it, instead God blessed me with my freedom from him although I did not see it at the time.
I was angry for years. I was mad at my friends for switching sides. I was mad at him for treating me the way that he did. I was mad at the lies, the rumors, and the laughter and grins from people who should have minded their own business and dealt with the bones shaking in their closets. I was angry because I felt like what God had for me was stolen from right within my grasp, but it wasn’t. I was angry because I felt like part of God’s will for my life had passed me by, just handed off to someone else.
A relationship, a marriage, a lifelong bond with that man was never part of God’s plan. The problem is that I bought into what I thought my life should look like and what others were saying. What I really needed to do was spend more time with God, but nope, I just thought that I already knew—so I was part of the problem, too.
The truth is, those things that I thought would work themselves out were deal-breakers for me that I never should have tried to tolerate in the first place. I was not in love with him; I was in love and committed to what I thought God had for me. I learned that God’s blessings will not be full of red flags.
